January

Desperate to emulate the success of Detroit rival General Motors, Chrysler launches an advertising blitz centered on the boast that all of its 2011 models are capable of eradicating bedbug infestations. Shrugging off questions over the veracity of the claim, Chrysler CEO Sergio Marchionne points to GM's ability to sell stock as evidence of Americans' ability to recognize value. "As we say in Italy," Marchionne notes, "cimici sono ovunque."

February

Former Hearst Corp. and Gannett Co. executive Cathleen Black begins to make her mark as chancellor of the New York City school system by embarking on an ambitious reform program. Drawing on her experience as publisher of Gannett's USA Today, Black requires all teachers to produce snappy, four-color graphics on their blackboards and cuts the duration of all classes to five minutes.

March

Tea Party Republicans triumphantly flex their populist muscle in the House of Representatives by pushing through a proclamation declaring March to be Rick Santelli Month -- in honor of the CNBC reporter credited with inspiring the grass-roots movement with his on-air rant against deadbeat homeowners. In other economic news, President Obama issues an executive order allocating $100 billion in stimulus funds to subsidize Brie and Chardonnay purchases by effete socialist intellectuals.

April

BP plc marks the first anniversary of its disastrous oil spill by organizing a massive effort to cleanse the Gulf Coast of all references to "British Petroleum." CEO Bob Dudley promises a skeptical U.S. public that his company will remain
"as American
as bedbugs."

May

The biggest deal of 2010 lies in tatters as LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat fail to qualify for the NBA playoffs. Most experts blame integration problems for the combination's lack of synergies, and Heat president Pat Riley is so impressed with one particular postmortem on the transaction that he attempts to hire its author as head coach. This effort, however, also ends in disappointment as the object of Riley's affection -- The Deal's own Tony Baldo -- instead accepts a position as cleat sharpener for the New York Football Giants.

June

Following the commercial and critical success of "The Social Network," a fictionalized account of Facebook's founding, Hollywood prepares summer releases portraying more swashbuckling tales of corporate success. The most far-fetched feature -- e_SDLqThe Dealership Network" -- chronicles the personality clashes behind the meteoric rise of a company named "General Motors," which supposedly rises from the ashes of bankruptcy to launch the hottest IPO of the year.

July

A year after terminating the country's largest infrastructure project -- a new Hudson River rail tunnel -- New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie seeks to burnish his image as a tough-minded executive by canceling the hit reality series "Jersey Shore." Despite the show's popularity, Christie's move only enhances his standing among national Republicans, who agree that the governor should continue canceling stuff. Mitt Romney, for example, quietly requests the demise of "Sarah Palin's Alaska."

August

With the economy remaining sluggish, the Federal Reserve seeks new ways to stimulate growth faster than it can through its quantitative-easing program. Instead of printing money, the Fed makes new dollars available through an iPad app, a move that quickly exhausts the central bank's capacity to boost the money supply.

September

After steering the country through a deep recession, shepherding a massive healthcare overhaul through Congress and presiding over a party soundly defeated in midterm elections, President Obama faces the gravest test of his presidency as the National Football League lockout wipes out the first week of games in the 2011 season. But with his trademark cool demeanor, the president summons his top domestic policy advisers and orders them to choose sides for a nationally televised pickup game on the White House lawn. The restive citizenry is calmed when middle linebacker Lawrence Summers lays a bodacious blind-side hit on opposing quarterback Tim Geithner.

October

In a chilling echo of past autumnal crashes, stock prices plummet around the world on rumors that one or more major financial institutions may be brought down by a rampaging bedbug infestation. Order is restored when central bankers from the United States, Great Britain and the European Union issue a joint statement assuring jittery investors that the rumor is unfounded and that the impending collapse would actually be caused by a severe liquidity crisis following simultaneous defaults in Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain.

November

Tina Brown grows bored with editing the merged Newsweek-Daily Beast and quits to write a multivolume biography of Kate Middleton. Seeking a replacement with the same wattage of star power, Barry Diller and Sidney Harman appoint the Chilean miners to the top editorial job.

December

Governments and corporate executives around the world nervously await the latest document dump from WikiLeaks. Their worst fears are realized with the release of a top-secret Italian-English dictionary, which reveals that "cimici sono ovunque" means "bedbugs are everywhere."